Tools
Practical things to copy and use this week.
Visitation journal
Write an entry the same day, every visit. Facts, routine, the child's mood. No commentary about the other parent.
Each entry: date and times of pickup and return · where and with whom · meals · activities · sleep · health and any medicine given · calls with the other parent · anything the child said, in their own words · photos with timestamps.
Download the template (CSV)Handover checklist
- Confirm time and place in writing the day before.
- Arrive a few minutes early. Return on time or slightly early.
- Return everything that came with the child.
- If you are travelling any distance, tell the other parent where you are going before you set off.
- Send a short note at return: meals, sleep, medicine, anything to watch.
- If a handover is refused, do not argue at the door. Write one line: "I came at the agreed time and could not meet." Tell your lawyer the same day.
Message templates
| Situation | English | Japanese |
|---|---|---|
| Confirming pickup | I will collect [name] at 10:00 on Saturday at [place] and bring [him/her] back by 16:00. | 土曜日10時に[場所]へ[名前]を迎えに行きます。16時までに送り届けます。 |
| Acknowledging | Understood. Thank you. | 承知しました。ありがとうございます。 |
| Return note | [Name] has had lunch. No medicine was given. Everything that came with [him/her] is in the bag. | [名前]は昼食を済ませました。薬は飲ませていません。持ち物はすべてかばんに入れてあります。 |
| Saying where you are going | Today we are going to [place] and will be back by [time]. | 本日は[場所]へ出かけ、[時刻]までに戻ります。 |
| Running late | We will be about 10 minutes late. I am sorry. | 10分ほど遅れます。申し訳ありません。 |
| The child is unwell | [Name] has a temperature of [38.0]. I think it is best to bring [him/her] back now. Is that all right? | [名前]に[38.0]度の熱があります。今からお送りした方がよいと思いますが、よろしいでしょうか。 |
Questions for your lawyer
- Which cases (divorce, marital expenses, visitation) are open, and what is the next deadline in each?
- What does this court usually order for visitation if mediation fails?
- Which of the other side's requests can I accept at no real cost?
- Is our visitation wording specific enough to enforce?
- What income documents will be asked for, and what should I prepare now?
- How and when should my record of visits be shown to the court?
Glossary
| Term | Japanese | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| kyogi rikon | 協議離婚 | Divorce by mutual agreement, filed at the city office with no court involved. |
| kosei shosho | 公正証書 | A notarised deed. Makes payment terms easier to enforce. |
| rikon todoke fujuri moshide | 離婚届不受理申出 | A request to the city office not to accept a divorce form filed without you. |
| chotei | 調停 | Family-court mediation. Required before a divorce lawsuit. |
| chotei iin | 調停委員 | The two mediators who run the sessions. |
| shinpan | 審判 | Adjudication. The judge decides when mediation fails. |
| kon'in hiyo | 婚姻費用 | Marital expenses: support paid while still married. |
| yoikuhi | 養育費 | Child support after divorce. |
| santei-hyo | 算定表 | The standard court table used to work out support. |
| menkai koryu / oyako koryu | 面会交流・親子交流 | Visitation, or parent-child contact. |
| shiko-teki menkai koryu | 試行的面会交流 | A trial visit arranged and observed at the court. |
| shinken | 親権 | Parental authority, usually translated as custody. |
| chosakan | 調査官 | Court investigator who interviews parents and children. |
| shucho shomen | 主張書面 | A written statement of your position. |
| riko kankoku | 履行勧告 | Court reminder to comply with an agreement. |
| kansetsu kyosei | 間接強制 | Payment ordered for each breach of an order. |
If tonight is a bad night
Many parents in this process have a night when it feels pointless. Do not message your spouse, your lawyer or anyone at the court tonight. Talk to a person instead. In Japan: TELL Lifeline (English) 03-5774-0992, Yorisoi Hotline 0120-279-338 (free, 24 hours; press 2 for other languages). In an emergency call 110 (police) or 119 (ambulance). Decide tomorrow.